THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEBODY ELSE

TL;DR EDIT — Dating sucks

How about another Love Island induced rant. A little something that hit so close to home a couple of weeks ago on Love Island USA.

Before I start though, let me say this simultaneous run of both UK and USA Love Islands for the summer is so stressful. One will be good while the other’s dead for a week then it'll flip flop. Idk idk man. I'm still rooting for everyone black. On both sides.

I also think we're all just bored right now through this global pandemic. Frankly speaking, anything will hold us. Both of the seasons I'll grade kinda trash and underwhelming but my attention is there.

On USA, what currently has me at the edge of my seat is this love triangle or "thruple" consisting of Cash, Cinco and Trina. I mean an African American main character plot which I was not expecting on the network at all but we're here. The potential f'boy toxicity of it all I'm completely in. 

According to Cinco, he enjoys how he “vibes” more with Cash who he was coupled up with at first but then was drawn (I want to say by lust) to Trina. So she snatched the man and for quite some time they've been riding it out. 

That is, until Cash circled back around to Cinco and unleashed her feelings that she still has can't shake for her life. His head is now [re]turning to Cash and after updating Trina the girl basically dialed into some dormant/lingering insecurities. 

That's where we left off and of course Casa Amor is coming in at such an opportune time. But I wanted to speak to a scene where Trina basically called/cried out to the ME-AMARACHEEE of my early twenties. 

Right after Cinco informed Trina where his head was going, being stuck between the same two ladies again... her spirit was down. She was left crying in the club (diary room really) and admitted she was "triggered by his confession" about Cash because "there's always been somebody else" involved in her dating history.

I said sissssssssssssssss. 

Not only did my very last situation involve me, somebody... and SOMEBODY ELSE if this was not my whole early twenties lowkey.

Like if I'm not enough just say that.

If polygamy is my fortune make it plain..

And I promise I'mma interpret everything down to my worth and catastrophize it all. I end up feeling as big as a fruit fly when I'm in such a situation. Which is often smh...

We're supposed to "eXpL0rE" in these early stages of life or whatever people keep telling me. Dating around is common but if you're not careful you end up in this constant competition state of mind. Almost as if you're ON at all times. Having to impress and stand out ALWAYS that's exhausting. If you're one of those people who claim to be above it and unbothered, ok nonhuman. 

Are you thinking of her or me right now? How can I be more appealing and "win" vs just being myself overall because obviously that's not working. 

You lose sight of that foundation. I mean if he doesn't like you the way you are he's not supposed to be yours, right? That's one point of view but nah. When you keep running into the ones who aren’t thee one and having to play the bigger person letting them go over and over.. Listen loneliness is dead. Let's just mold ourselves in order to force this next individual to like us, have it last and end it there.

It goes without saying those shows are a mental health Olympic sport. Trina went through it, is still going through it, but she'll be stronger on the other side of this. 

Not only have other women been a pattern but also long distance relationships outsourcing from coincidentally one particular area. Correlation?.., maybe.

All of this is to say yes I'm made the way I am for the person who is MADE FOR ME. I absolutely believe in all that, unapologetically. This is not a pity post. I'm in no rush because my one is supposed to find me. I have the rest of my Earth life. I'm cool by myself. I think.

Throwing myself out there frequently to get stung back is a price to pay. I said I was gonna do this dating thing so I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna be intentional about it. 

This is nothing but a “she’s back in the game” rant...

Now I'm in a rambling mess. Oh well.